To My Brother
by HitachiinElephant
Summary: Arthur has died and Alfred is depressed. To help cope with his greif, his counsler gave him a journal to write letters to Arthur in. These are the entries. UsCan mentioned, but UsUk in the end
1. Chapter 1

_January 12, 2012  
><em>_Saturday, 1:39 A.M._

_Dear Arthur,_

_It's been really hard since you've been gone. I never thought everything would change without you. I'm not the same person anymore. Nobody else is, either. Yao hasn't been yelling as much anymore. Ivan doesn't smile like the creep he is as often, either. Hell, even Francis has gotten way less perverted since you... Well... Left..._

_But I think the person that's changed the most is me. When Francis first told me you were gone, I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him. But when he told me for the second time, I knew it was true. You were really gone forever. I almost hit him, I was so mad. Well, not exactly mad, but just... Frustrated, I guess? I don't know. All I know is that I wasn't happy at all. Not even anywhere close to happy. I'm not even sure if I still have that emotion anymore. If I do, I can't find it._

_I locked myself in my room for three days. I didn't eat, didn't drink. I only left to go to the bathroom. I barely slept while I was in there, too. I cried so hard, Arthur. I never knew a hero could cry so hard in his life. Then again, what kind of hero am I? I could have been there... Should have been there to save you from that wreck. I blame it all on myself. I really do. You would, too, Artie. I should have carpooled with you to the conference instead of driving myself. You would have never been in that accident._

_I'm such an idiot, aren't I? I wanted to be so badass with my new mustang. I didn't want to be seen in your old piece of junk. Now I'd give anything to go back in time and ride with you. Anything to stop you from leaving the world._

_I should probably stop talking about it. Matt got me out of my room after the three days and took me to a counsler. She said I'm grieving. I knew that. I'm not that much of an idiot. Anyways, she said that I should take off as much time as I needed, let myself cry- which I had obviously done enough of- cut back on some of my responsabilities, and some other bullshit I can't really remember. She gave me a journal incase I wanted to write in it. If you can't tell by the nice paper, I'm writing my letters to you in it. She also said that I should start eating normally again since I apperently looked thin. I checked myself when I got home, and I did look thin. Guess I'm not a fatass anymore, huh, Artie?_

_So I did what she said and tried to start eating more. Matty's been coming over every once in a while to check up on me and bring me McDonald's. Even when I'm like this, I still love me some McDonald's. But I'm still not eating as much as I used to, according to Matt. I guess it'll take me longer than two days to greive._

_I guess that's all I have to fill you in on for now, Arthur. I'll write to you again soon. I promise._

_Sincerely,  
><em>_Alfred_


	2. Chapter 2

_January 22, 2012  
><em>_Sunday, 12:01 PM_

_Dear Arthur,_

_I didn't get any sleep since I wrote that letter to you. I really tried after I finished it, but I just couldn't sleep. I laid in bed for two hours, then decided to just fuck it and stay up until I can sleep again. I don't think that'll be anytime soon since I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately. I remember how you used to hate that stuff. We'd argue all the time about tea and coffee. I still say coffee is way better._

_Though, now that I think about our fights about it, I remember how almost every time we did, you would always give in and just leave. I never knew why. I never even cared why, really. I just thought you were giving up because I was right. But now I notice why. It reminded you of the Boston Tea Party, didn't it? I'm not bringing it up to be mean, I swear. I'm really sorry, Arthur. I remember it really well now._

_I remember that me and a bunch of guys dressed as indians and got onto one of your ships, and how brown the water was when we dumped the crates into the sea. But what I remember most, was when I was sitting ontop of a bunch of crates and I wouldn't come down when you told me to. You told your men to push the crates overboard with me ontop and I fell in the water. Normally, I would be pissed about that. But I can't blame you now that I think about it more._

_I remember that I couldn't see through the salty water polluted with tea. You had to come in and save me from drowning. And how did I repay you? I kicked you and stayed away from you. I remember how cold it was while I sat on a floating crate in the middle of the water while you waited for me on shore. It was so cold out there. Especially when night came. I seriously thought I was gonna die out there._

_Remember what happened when you came out to try and bring me back? I didn't want to come at first, even though you had blankets and coffee for me. And I declared my want for independence. I bet you remember those words more than anything. I'm sorry I can't remember them. My memory gets a little fuzzy there, probably from the freezing cold, but after that I remember later that night when you read me one a story. The last story you would read to me before we began to really fight. I wish I could remember it. Especially now. Maybe if I look through our old storybooks, I'll find it. And when I do, I'll write it all down in another letter. Just for you._

_Well, Matt's here. I should go eat now since I haven't eaten since I wrote the last letter, either. I smell McDonald's, too._

_I'll write you again. I promise._

_Sincerely,  
><em>_Alfred_


End file.
